I just read a LinkedIn post about someone almost getting arrested in Moscow. It reminded me of the time I did get arrested in Nairobi.
Here’s the story.
Setting the Scene
The incident took place in 2018, long before I quit my former career to become a freelance gambling writer.
I’d been working for the AsianLogic Group in Manila since 2016. I started out with MSW – the only legal sportsbook in the Philippines at the time – but in late 2017, they move me to Dafabet. I was tasked with saving their failing African business.
Basically, they’d started up in Kenya and didn’t understand why it wasn’t working. They needed an operations manager with experience in the region, which is where I came in. I’d already spent six years working with Africa’s largest retail betting operator.
Company Phone
When I arrived, I didn’t have a local phone, so the company gave me one.
Unbeknownst to me, it actually belonged to our IT guy. He’d loaned it to my outgoing colleague in exchange for a much better company phone provided by the management.
The relevance of this will become clear later.
Alleged and Actual Theft
Just before I arrived, a load of equipment has been stolen from our storage facility, including PCs, monitors and other hardware. Only one person had the key – that same IT guy.
The CCTV had also mysteriously stopped working shortly before incident. Who looked after that? That’s right – the IT guy.
As you’d expect, my colleague fired him.
But that wasn’t the end of it. Mr IT man reported my colleague who sacked him to the police, accusing him of stealing his phone.
Parklands Police Station
Picture the scene. I’m in the office, holding a meeting with my new team. The Director of Operations and my colleague, now wanted by the police – not that we knew – are away having lunch.
In walk a man and a woman wearing casual clothes. I distinctly remember she wore blue jeans and a green hoodie. Since I was still new, I didn’t yet know the more junior members of the team. I genuinely thought these guys were our customer supports staff, and I was about to lose my mind at them marching into the meeting room and interrupting my work.
“What’s going on?”
“We’re from Parklands. We’re looking for [My Colleague].”
I have absolutely no idea what’s going on and I don’t know what Parklands is. Turns out it’s an area of Nairobi that has a police station.
“You’re not even wearing uniforms, you could be anyone. Where’s your ID?”
The guy shows me some plastic card that could’ve been anything. I was thinking of McLovin in Superbad the whole time. She didn’t even have any ID.
“Okay, you’ve seen my ID, now show me yours.”
Keystone Cops
Naturally, I’m not taking my passport to the office every day. I explain this, and tell them they’re welcome to go to the company apartment where they’ll find my passport, complete with visa and paperwork.
He grins. “Let’s go to the station.“
Just as I’m getting up, my two colleagues return to the office. The guy they were actually looking for is immediately arrested, accused of stealing the phone. I’m also arrested, for having the temerity to ask a plain clothes police officer for ID.
Now for the best part of this farcical story.
My colleague and I step outside to the elevator, accompanied by the two local plod. Waiting for us is a grinning ex-IT guy. Everything now makes sense.
We descend to the ground floor and step outside. I look left, right and everywhere to see where they’ve parked their vehicle.
“Where’s the car?”
“You call an Uber”.
“You can’t be serious? I have to pay to have myself arrested?“
“Call an uber.”
“There’s five of us. We won’t fit.”
“Then call two.”
Appreciation
When we arrive at Parklands, we’re taken straight to an interview room. They explain the situation and get to work on my colleague, while I sit and listen. Bizarrely, the IT guy is also in the room.
It takes less than five minutes for the police to realise the whole situation is a complete farce. The green hoodie woman looks a bit embarrassed once it’s been explained that no theft has taken place. In fact, the IT guy still has our company phone – a better model – despite being fired for an obvious theft.
They didn’t even bother speaking to me.
“Okay, so what happens now? Are we free to go?“
She puts her head back, as if looking at something on the ceiling, and says nothing.
“Hello? Can we go?”
She leaves the room.
My colleague and I exchange looks. She wants a bribe.
Sorry, no – it’s absolutely not a bribe. The police would never do that and it would be wrong to suggest otherwise.
However, we should definitely show a token of our appreciation for the great service they provide, keeping the local community safe. Otherwise we’re not going anywhere.
Cat For Sale
While we sat around waiting to be released – which was never going to happen unless the big boss came with the “appreciation” money – I saw a cat.
I love cats, so naturally I played with it for a while to pass the time.
“You like it? You can buy it from us”.
Jesus Christ.
Eventually, the big boss shows up, laughing his arse off. I guess you have to.
If I remember rightly, he paid the equivalent of 200 US dollars in Kenyan shillings to get us out. I can’t honestly remember if that was for both of us, or the price per person.
Either way, the whole experience was completely ridiculous.
Not a Happy Time
Sadly, this type of thing was not uncommon. It’s one of many reasons I chose to stop working in gambling operations – especially in that part of the world.
Let’s just say I much prefer my life writing casino, poker and sportsbook content from the beach.
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